Why I believe that killing is wrong, I left evangelical Christianity, and still follow Jesus (probably poorly).

I’m tired. So tired of what is going on in this world. The hate. The killing. And I have things to say about the recent news.

But I don’t know where to start.

Do I start by talking about how awful it is that black people keep getting murdered by police officers?

How does a man like Philando Castile get shot by a police officer?

The Minnesota Star Tribune stated, “The girlfriend said on the video that the officer “asked him for license and registration. He told him that it was in his wallet, but he had a pistol on him because he’s licensed to carry. The officer said don’t move. As he was putting his hands back up, the officer shot him in the arm four or five times.””




And what about Alton Sterling?

Some people might say, ‘Well, he had an extensive criminal record.’ Or ‘He had a gun’.

But I say that he did not deserve to die at the hands of those police officers.

I believe there are no good reasons why a man who was on the ground being straddled by two men needed to be shot in center mass several times from 6 inches away.




‘But he had a criminal history’

‘But he was a pedophile’

I don’t care. He did not deserve to die.

I have a story of my own that you may not know about.

My current step father, who is an alcoholic, and who is in prison for molesting my 23 year old sibling with autism, is an awful human being. He deserves to be in prison for much longer that he will be.

Believe me when I say I hate this man. And I may never get pass the hatred. That is my own personal battle.

But no matter how much hate is in me for this man, I would never ask or wish that he be killed. Not by the hands of a civilian, a police officer, or the death penalty.


Unfortunately, it seems that people in my mom’s life have made her feel like she cannot get a divorce from this man until she feels God has ‘released her’ from this marriage.

That is not the God I believe in.

I can’t believe that God holds us in relationships like these and that we must wait til he releases us from them.

I don’t believe that we are chess pieces in his game of life.

We have the freedom to remove harmful people from the paths of our lives, in order to prevent horrible acts against ourselves or  other loved ones.

But not murder.


I strive to love the people I come in contact with everyday. But when I read the news, depression comes over me, and I feel that there must be something more that I can do.

But what?

That, I do not know.

Grace & Peace.


2 Afterthoughts:

I woke up this morning and thought I’m not sure if it’s hate that I feel towards my that man anymore, maybe it is, you can be the judge of that. But these are my feelings towards him. Disgust for his actions, and fear for my children because of those actions. Is that hate? I think I’ll ask my therapist friends to expound on that.

The second thing when I woke up this morning was the news…again.

Once again I grieve for the human beings that lost their lives. The actions of the person who murdered those police officers is totally awful.




When will we realize that we as individuals need to deal with our issues or anger, hatred, or indifference towards other human beings? We need to not hold our feelings inside, but rather talk to people about them, get help processing these things.

Once again… Grace & Peace.